me, myself and i
version 2, march 2004

see the original version 1

i'm a 16 17 18 19 20 year old, currently anonymous guyanese who is awake. call me g.u.m., my initials. i'm conscious of the many things wrong in the world, and furthermore, i choose not to ignore these wrongs. i am not as pessimistic as i used to be. i believe that knowledge allows one to turn their pain and poverty into power. for me, that power goes toward freedom. i am more malcolm x than i am martin luther king, jr., though i understand the need for mr. king.

i believe that we are born with survival instincts that, if not morally tuned, can have destructive and painful consequences. many times, we must work against these instincts, these "wants," so that we don't hurt ourselves or those around us. for thorough preparation and to avoid disappointment, i always expect the worst from people and situations.

i believe, and it may already be obvious, that the poor conditions of life in guyana, the west indies, africa, and american ghettos are the result of the trans-atlantic slave trade. apart from social and economic deficiencies, i think the slavery and colonialism has created, in guyana at least, what i like to call a racial inferiority complex. this complex nurtures a racial grading system where the closer you are to white, the more beautiful and valuable you are. the caste system from india probably contributed to this complex too.

i believe that love and _the ability to love_ are powerful forces of humankind. to be completely responsible and logical, i should say that i'm an agnostic. in practice, however, i lean towards atheism.

politically, i support a socialist economy within a democratic framework in guyana. i envision a people-centred guyana. this essentially means that the people come before the dollar. it means that social, intellectual and mental progress should come _before_ economic progress. i'm a patriot and a nationalist, though i'm considering that the times we live in call for global unity and collective movement, and a sense of world citizenship. i do consider myself a world citizen.

my social consciousness was certainly not a product of my repressed and uninspiring upbringing in a sometimes racist family, but was spurred by an unusually high-quality high school education in guyana. i've traced my spark of consciousness back to a history class lecture on the living conditions and methods of torture used on slaves aboard slave ships.

guyanatruth.tripod.com is the offspring of an msn web community called _guyanese in america are_. six months after coming to america to attend college, i started 'guyanese in america are' because i was embarrassed and ashamed by the attitudes of guyanese in america. today, i've learned to respect a person's right to emigrate if they wish. however, i still feel it's an act of betrayal to guyanese society and i'm still utterly ashamed and even physically repulsed by guyanese behaviours in america, namely the emulation--vocally, physically, mentally--of americans. emigration is of course a freedom, but it's one that guyana cannot afford. at least not right now. we need to build guyana, not add to the power of the oppressive american empire.

i now consider it a waste of resources to try to encourage guyanese pride among guyanese-americans because the act of abandoning guyana is itself a virtually irreparable shame. the best thing a guyanese in america can do for guyana, and the only repair to emigrating, is to return permanently to guyana. sadly, a sense of national pride is lacking in guyana itself, where american popular culture is preferred to the natural one.

my ultimate goal is guyanese freedom--mental, social, physical, economic, political; on every front possible. some of guyana's problems are so deeply rooted that i don't expect to see change in my lifetime, but i have to fight for change, i have to start the movement, for the sake of our children and our children's children.

the slogan "educate, organise, mobilise" is a very fundamental outline of the movement. the movement will be most difficult at its beginning. thus, the education part will take the longest and be the hardest. i may not live to see the mobilisation or even the organisation steps.

i've been maintaining anonymity since the inception of _guyanese in america are_, but i will shed this before i leave for guyana. my name and my self really aren't important; the message is more important than the messenger.

in 2000, after writing the c.x.c. exams, i left guyana to attend college in the states. three years later i have an associate degree from a college in queens, new york. it's obviously a contradiction that i oppose guyanese emigration when i am an emigrant myself. if i had known in 2000 what i know now, i never would have left guyana. now that i am conscious of certain things, and because i hold myself to be a revolutionary in the vanguard of the people's movement in guyana, i plan to fix my erroneous ways and return to guyana permanently in june 2004.

i came to america for education but no one should ever have to leave his or her homeland for this. the article "on education" outlines my feelings about institutionalised education and gives an idea of the continual self-learning i plan to practice upon my return to guyana.

i became a united states citizen on the 29th march, 2002. it was truly the most humiliating and shameful thing i have ever been legally obliged to do. my parent initiated the naturalisation process when i was much smaller and it had to be finalised when the time arrived.

with what i know now, i can no longer live in america. whatever the consequences, i _must_ return to guyana and fight for freedom with the resources available there. it is the honourable thing to do.

there is a lot to be said, and i am finding ways to express these things without getting irate, or boring.